There is a secret relationship between
our physical being and the rhythm of our soul.
The body is the place where the soul shows itself.
-John O’Donohue
My husband and I are currently back in New York, where we grew up. New York is very different from Colorado this time of year – less snow, more mud and lots and lots of gray skies.
But something exciting and secret is going on right before our eyes: The trees are waking up.
My husband’s family has made maple syrup here on the farm for years and the sugarbush that we tap has probably been in use as a sugarbush for 100 years. A sugarbush is a stand of mature maple trees that gets drilled into each spring to harvest sap! Though the grueling process of turning thin sweet tree sap into lugubrious maple syrup is fascinating, what I actually want to talk about is the individual trees themselves. As I wander through the sugarbush each day, checking on our sap lines, cutting out downed limbs and generally getting soggy and muddy, I come to know the trees. You know the line about seeing the forest in spite of the trees? It’s more like seeing the trees in spite of the forest. We tap around 1500 maples each Spring, and I know most of them well. You would think that a tree is a tree is a tree…, but they have personalities and quirks to each of them. Some have obvious visual attributes that set them apart, such as a huge scar stretching 30 feet high, showing spalted wood beneath the wounded bark or massive trunks that three people together cannot stretch their arms around, but many are unique because of how they wake up in the spring.
When we tapped these trees just a couple weeks ago, some were cold and cranky and still frozen inside, while others gushed sap around the drill bit, crying out that they were ready to bud and blossom for Spring. Sometimes these characteristics are determined by location (a dark corner of the sugarbush won’t thaw very quickly, but a sunny edge will), but often it is two similar trees right next to each other who act so differently.
Some trees move more than others on a windy Spring day. Some trees wake up early and go to bed early. Some hold their leaves late into Fall. These are all sugar maples and red maples, growing in similar earth in the same climate, but they grow and live differently.
As people, it seems obvious that we grow and live differently, but I think we get confused sometimes. Often, when we have a friend who is struggling, we tell them to ‘just meditate more,’ or ‘go for a run when you’re down,’ because “that’s what works for me!” The truth is that anxiety, fear, sadness and rage flow through each of us differently and at different rates. It can be so discouraging to try to understand how your friend pressed on despite a loss when you feel like you will never get to the new side of your own grief. Alternatively, we condescend to others and make comparisons, claiming that when we went through a similar tough time, we dealt with it so much better.
There is beauty in our uniqueness, but that is not an excuse to avoid setting goals and reaching for healthy change. It is so easy to slip into the habit of categorizing ourselves – to say “Sorry, not sorry: I just always lash out when someone questions my skill level because of the way I grew up.” It is excellent to accept where you come from and understand the whys of the way you are, AND it is most excellent to want to grow into your true worth. Take who you are and allow yourself the agency to not be trapped in the patterns of the past.
It takes time and energy, but most of all, it takes a deep desire to change. If you do not want it, you will not achieve it. We each grow differently and respond to stimuli differently; just like the maple trees. Your best friend may have only needed one week and a new therapist to learn to deal with his depression, where perhaps you need to start a new hobby, divest yourself of toxic relationships, set goals for opening up to others and pursue therapy for years before you feel like you are in a state of maintaining health within your own depression. Some trees wake up early, and some trees wait for a clearer sign of Spring.
Be gracious with yourself
See your own worthiness as you learn how Christ values you
Attempt great things
And give yourself the time you need.